


The Angel Back Home

by cloudyjenn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Pining, wing fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 11:56:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10099526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudyjenn/pseuds/cloudyjenn
Summary: Dean is away at war pining for Cas and Cas is at home pining for Dean.  Idiots in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was called the 'not-verse' ages ago on Tumblr. It wasn't finished so I went ahead and did so now. So this has new material. 
> 
> This is pointless fluff. Based in a world where sexuality is about whether you like humans or angels.

“You looking at that picture  _again_? Dude, he’s completely covered. Look, I got some stuff here, hang on.”

Dean watched Benny rifle through the trunk at the end of his bed, no doubt looking for his stash of filthy magazines. It wasn’t like Dean had never seen them before. Like any healthy young human, Dean had spent many a fond hour flipping through copies of _Angels in Heat_ or _Whips and Wings_ or Dean’s personal favorite, _Heavenly Whores_.

“Here,” Benny said, handing over a copy of _Hot Hot Wings_. The front cover featured a male and female angel, both artfully posed to just barely cover the other’s nudity. The male angel held the girl’s leg up to hide his groin and his wing curled over her shoulder to flop down over her chest. Dean couldn’t stop staring at the guy’s hand on her leg. Angel on angel. Totally hot.

“I gotta say, it’s a little creepy that you’re concerned about me getting off,” Dean said, waving the magazine at Benny. “I’m not into humans, dude.”

“Fuck you,” Benny said easily. “I just worry about my fellow man, Dean. That angel you keep staring at isn’t even naked, c’mon.”

  
 Dean snorted. He couldn’t imagine a world where Castiel actually allowed himself to be photographed while nude. Oh, but what a wonderful world that would be.

“That’s because he’s not a fucking pornstar, douche. This isn’t even…this is just my buddy, Cas. My brother’s best friend,” he clarified because that’s always how it had been. Castiel belonged to Sam as his friend first. Just because Dean developed a massive crush on him over the years didn’t mean anything.

Benny gave the photograph a speculative glance. It was a candid shot taken at Castiel’s work place. Dean had snapped it while waiting for Castiel to finish up a report to punish Cas for ignoring him. The second after the camera flashed, Castiel had glared at Dean and thrown him out to wait in the hallway.

It was a fun memory.

“He’s cute,” Benny allowed.

“Cute? Fuck you, dude, Cas is gorgeous,” Dean declared, grabbing back the picture to see it again. Castiel’s big black wings arched high over his shoulder, unusually large and puffy. They got everywhere. Half the reason Dean had chosen the Impala was to accommodate those silly wings.

“Dean.” Benny clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You’re pathetic.”

“Yeah. I know."

*************

 

Castiel was so distracted staring at the picture on his desk he didn’t hear Anna come into his office until she dropped the stack of accession forms right in front of him. Jumping back, he lifted his eyes to her face, a faint hint of confusion on his expression.

“Anna?”

“I said your name about six times,” she said, leaning back against his bookshelf to give him a speculative look. “Are you okay? You’ve been spacey all day and that’s not like you.”

His eyes flickered back to the photo. Four weeks ago, the frame held a shot of himself, Sam and Dean at a summer picnic, each holding up their drinks and grinning when Jess took the photo. When Dean shipped off, Cas changed it to a black and white shot of Dean he’d taken during a photography class in college. He’d managed to catch Dean in a quiet moment, his eyes unfocused as his thoughts drifted to places only he knew. Always a handsome human, the photo showed Dean as Castiel saw him, as something beautiful.

“It’s nothing in particular,” he finally said.

Only it was something. Today was Dean’s birthday and instead of preparing for a party or dinner, Castiel didn’t even know if Dean was safe because he was stationed along the front and hadn’t been able to contact them beyond two letters since he’d gone.

Anna’s eyes followed the path of Castiel’s gaze to the photo. Her slender bronze wings drooped with the realization of what had Castiel down today.

“Have you heard from him lately?”

“Two weeks ago. He’s keeping busy and has made a new friend, Benny,” Castiel related, trying and failing to keep the jealousy out of his voice. Anna knew him too well to miss it and loved him too much to avoid the topic.

“Well, sure, but a human friend, right?”

Castiel nodded. Angels were considered too valuable and weak to fight at the front. An archaic infuriating notion, but one that remained strongly in power at the top levels of government. Anna shrugged.

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about.” She paused. “Not that I would put it past Dean to attempt a little human/human experimentation, he seems pretty into angels.”

That was an understatement. Dean rarely let an angel go by without checking out their wings.

Which Castiel swore many times to Sam did not bother him. Even if it did make him fluff his wings up higher and apply shine more than he should.

Still, Anna implied Castiel had an importance to Dean other than friend. That he was concerned Benny would take Dean from him in a way that Dean never wanted Castiel in the first place.

“I’m not worried about that,” he said. “It’s not that…that is, I don’t want him to be lonely.”

That much was true. It’d just taken a very long time to build his unique friendship with Dean. Reading about Benny in Dean’s letters made Castiel how easy it would be for Dean to replace him with Benny because after all, everyone understood that Castiel was Sam’s friend first.

He didn’t explain this to Anna. It would make him sound very selfish. In fact, it probably did make him very selfish. Where Dean was, so close to constant battle and in danger, he needed as much support as possible.

“No, I know, but I meant…how do I put this,” she said, biting her cheek in thought. “Dean could meet a thousand Bennys, but he’d only want one Cas.”

Castiel didn’t quite catch her meaning, though the sentence did give him a warmly pleasant feeling.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m saying he could make a boatload of friends, but he’d still only be in love with you,” she said bluntly.

Heat flooded Castiel’s cheeks and his wings rustled on his back, but otherwise, he kept his expression calm and didn’t react.

“I don’t think-”

“You’re afraid to think,” Anna corrected. She tapped the photo frame. “I’ve met the guy and I’ve seen you two together. I can guarantee he’s got one of these of you and is probably in a miserable pile worrying that you’re finding a new human while he’s away.”

“I’d never,” Castiel started to deny, but it proved too much of Anna’s point, so he shut his mouth quickly. She laughed.

“You should have put this picture up while he was still here. It might have given him a clue,” she added as she straightened up and gave the forms she’d put on his desk a pointed look.

  
“We’re working here; quit stinking up the office with your hormonal mopes.”

He glared at her. “Remove yourself from my sight.”

“Gladly,” she said with a smirk.

*************

When Jess woke up to an empty bed, she knew immediately where she could find Sam.

Shrugging into her light blue robe, Jess pattered down the hallway, following the expected glow of television light into the living room. Just as she suspected, Sam sat hunched on the sofa, silver wings scrunched up behind him, his eyes glued on the news.

“Is everything okay?”

He didn’t startle, so Jess figured he must have heard her coming. A large broad wing popped out from under his body and opened to the side, inviting her to curl up beside him. Jess obliged the wing. She loved nothing better than wrapping up in those bright silver feathers.

“Nothing new,” he admitted. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” she promised him. Jess could stand losing a little sleep if Sam needed some comforting.

They sat in comfortable silence for a long time. It was one of the things Jess loved about Sam most. Of all the angels she’d dated, he was the only one that put her entirely at ease. She knew the same applied for him. All Jess needed to do when Sam felt upset was cuddle up in his wings and wait for him to sort out his thoughts enough to begin talking.

The sound of the newscaster’s voice hypnotized her into a sleepy trance. He spoke at length about the latest battles, the locations where the heaviest fighting took place and every so often mentioned the name of a lost soldier. Each time he mentioned soldiers’ deaths, Sam tensed up. It wasn’t hard to guess what had him up late tonight.

“I know they’d tell me first if something happened to Dean,” he finally said, gaze still fixed on the screen. “You know, before they released his name on the news. But I still can’t help being terrified that every time they say a name, it’ll be his.”

Jess reached for one of his hands and squeezed it between both her much smaller ones. She couldn’t offer the comfort she wanted-that Dean would be okay-because they both knew it might not be true. All she could do was subtly remind him that she had his back; that he’d never be alone without her.

“Dean would make so much fun of you for moping over him,” she chose to say instead because that was true. Deep down, he’d love the hell out of it, but outwardly, he’d mock Sam for being such an angel about things.

“Dean’s an asshole,” Sam said, now scowling. Jess hid her smile. That was better. An aggravated Sam was much easier to handle than a maudlin one.

“Yes, dear,” she agreed.

**************

 

For the most part, Dean was ultra-focused, senses razor sharp and skills obviously honed since before just basic training. Somewhere in his past, Dean fought for his own survival and it showed in the way he handled himself in battle.

It was the reason Benny naturally gravitated to him out of all the humans in his unit. The other human Dean knew from boot camp, Jo, wasn’t a bad sort, but Benny had never been the friend-making type. One was enough and Dean made more sense to him. He was tough, crass and entertaining.

Except when he was looking at that goddamn picture.

Or talking about the contents of that goddamned picture.

“What now?” Benny growled.

A pile of letters had come from home. None for Benny as usual; shitloads for Dean, also as usual. His brother wrote almost as often as the not-angelfriend and there was usually a couple in the mix from Dean’s adoptive father and his brother’s humanfriend.  
 

Dean always read the ones from Castiel first.

Something in them had painted a scowl on Dean’s annoyingly handsome face. He could have gotten so much tail from the angel groupies that hung around at the base. Such a waste, Benny thought with disgust.

  
 “He’s talking about this fucking idiot he used to know in college that’s coming around to visit. Balthazar.” Dean said the name with all the venom usually reserved for serial killers or tail-gaters. “Stupid ass-faced dickwad.”

“Let me guess,” Benny said as he polished the smaller of his two swords. “Balthazar is human.”

“A stupid ass-faced dickwad human,” Dean corrected, flipping onto the next page. “Listen to this shit, ' _It’s been so good to see a friendly face. I haven’t really been going out much lately, so Bal- '_ Bal’,” he interrupted to emphasize his disdain with the nickname.  ' _Bal asked me to dinner and a movie. I was surprised when he offered to pay as well.'_ Oh my god, it’s like Cas has no idea ‘Bal’ is trying to get his hands on his wings,” Dean raged.

“Uh huh,” Benny said absently.

“I can’t believe this. Does Sam know this is going on?” Dean tore into his brother’s letter and began to skim, apparently for any mention of humans that dared to buy Castiel some food.

Seriously, all the enemy needed to do to gut Dean was point over his shoulder and say, ‘hey look, Castiel!’ He'd instantly be a distracted mess.

  
 “Nothing,” Dean grunted. “What is his problem?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe Sam didn’t go into the details of Castiel’s sex life to you,” Benny said, rolling his eyes. Dean turned green.

  
 “Please don’t call it his sex life, dude. I can’t take this.”

Benny just continued polishing his sword and waited for Dean’s sanity to return.

***********

It took Dean a good thirty seconds to process the words coming out of his commander’s mouth.

“Did he say…?”

“Sounds like it.” Benny gave Dean a friendly slap on the back. “Two day leave, my friend.”

Of course, on the front, a leave of one or two days only meant retreating back to the main base to sleep, eat warm food and know with more certainty that you won’t be killed that day.

Basically it was coming up to gasp for breath before plunging back into the deep.

But it also meant Dean would have access to a vid-caller. He’d be able to not only communicate freely with Sam and Cas, but actually see their faces and hear their voices while he did it.

“You’re going to be on the vid the whole time, aren’t you,” Benny accused, but without any heat. Dean grinned and shoved him a little as they walked towards the bunks to collect their things.

Oh sweet holy god, they could wash their clothes.

Excitement tingled up Dean’s spine. Dean couldn’t imagine doing anything other than being in the military, but as this war dragged on, he began to wonder how long he could keep it up. He wanted to protect his nation and especially his family.

But he’d killed so many creatures he’d lost track of them and he missed Sam and Cas so damn bad, it hurt with every breath. A break was exactly what he needed.

“And you’re gonna what? Let me guess, you’re volunteering for angel patrol,” Dean said.

“It had crossed my mind. One of us has to take advantage of the uniform kink.”

Dean seriously doubted that worked when said uniform is covered in sweat, dirt and blood. But after cleaning up, he thought Benny might do okay for himself.

Which…whatever. Let Benny have the base angels. The only two angels he cared about were miles and miles away with no idea they were going to see him soon. Imagining their delighted surprise kept Dean amused for the entire ride there.

**********

“You have two hours.”

The angel in charge of divvying up vid time handed Dean a card with his name and the time on it.

“If you need more time, you can go on the list again. It shouldn’t be too hard since they’re rotating you guys on leave in pretty small numbers.”

Awesome. So he could potentially spend hours on the vid. That wouldn’t be weird, probably. Cas wouldn’t think that was strange.

Hopefully.

“Thanks.”

Dean walked into the small vid room and closed the door firmly behind him. First things first. No matter how much Dean wanted to hear Castiel’s voice, he had to call Sam first. He’d been taking care of the kid his whole life and yeah, he might have passed some of the responsibility over to Jess, but it was still his job. So he quickly typed in the number and listened to the buzz of connection, anticipation swirling in his gut.

His heart nearly came out his chest when Castiel answered instead of Sam.

“Dean?” he breathed, obviously stunned. His gigantic black wings lifted up in surprise, catching Dean’s hungry eyes. He couldn’t look at everything he wanted to see. Cas’ wings, Cas’ eyes, his parted lips, tousled hair, silly half undone tie.

“What are you doing at Sam’s?”

Holy shit, he had dialed Sam’s, right? He didn’t let his subconscious make decisions for him, did he?

  
 But no, that was definitely Sam’s dorky old-fashioned world map poster (“It’s a print, Dean, god.”) on the wall behind Castiel’s head. He was in Sam’s study.

“I just came over to walk the dog,” Castiel explained dazedly. He’d leaned so far forward that his nose nearly touched the screen. “What are you…how are you? Are you okay? Is everything alright?” Worry abruptly exploded across Castiel’s pretty features. “Why are you calling?”

“Relax, Feathers,” Dean said with a grin, soaking up Cas’ concern. “I’m just on a leave, so I’m calling home. Where’s Sam? How come he’s not walking his own damn dog?”

“Ah, well.” Whatever the reason, it had Castiel shifting with slight discomfort, a faint hint of blush on his cheeks.

“Cas?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day, Dean. Sam is out to dinner with Jess.”

Oh. _Oh_.

Dean had completely missed the date. Shit like Valentine’s Day or those stupid hallmark type holidays didn’t matter on the front.

Hell, the real holidays barely mattered. But here in a private room, talking his favorite angel, Valentine’s Day suddenly mattered a lot.

“…and I guess you didn’t make plans?”

Only the fact that Dean hadn’t been able to look at those outrageously blue eyes for months kept him from looking away as his heart pounded waiting on Castiel’s answer. The little confused frown that darkened Castiel’s brow made Dean want to fist-pump the air.

“Why on earth would I make Valentine’s plans?”

 _With me not there? No reason at all_ , Dean thought.

“No idea, Cas, but y’know, I got two hours on the vid tonight and if Sam’s out…well, maybe I’ll be your plans,” Dean chanced saying.

Castiel visibly brightened. “Well, obviously I want to talk to you. Two hours? Should I call Sam-”

“No, it’s cool, man. I’m off for two days; I can talk to Sam tomorrow. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

“Me? Nothing so unusual,” Castiel said, the frown returning briefly.

Dean leaned forward on one palm. “That’s okay. Tell me anyway.”

“Well…I’ve started planning a new exhibit. The topic is still unsettled, but there’s a Exhibits Committee meeting next week that will…”

  
Dean sat back and let Castiel talk to him, his voice washing away the kind of battle grime that couldn’t be seen. He had hope for the future, but by his reckoning, it was pretty much the best Valentine’s date of his life.

***************

“How come your letters are twice as long as mine?” Sam complains, his gaze on large pile of letters neatly stacked on Castiel’s desk.

Castiel hid his smile behind his glass of orange juice. In truth, it had surprised him too. Dean used to send one brief letter to both Sam and Castiel with basic information. He was okay. He missed them. He was being careful. Things like that. Sam still got those letters.

But since Valentine’s Day, Dean began sending separate messages to Castiel and they had been getting progressively longer as time passed. Where he told Sam he was being careful, he detailed to Castiel his constant low thrum of fear that if he made a wrong move, he wouldn’t be able to come home to them.

Sam heard about the elaborate game Dean created that somehow combined charades, poker and the circle game. Castiel got a long rambling missive about the crushing ennui that separated brief high-stress periods of battle.

  
Sam’s letters were more cheerful, but Castiel’s were more real.

And not because Dean didn’t love Sam very much, but rather because he did. He wanted to put up a brave front for Sam. Castiel couldn’t be sure why his letters had changed, but the idea that it might be because Dean trusted Castiel to share his burdens touched him more deeply than he could say.

“It’s mostly complaining about you,” Castiel said easily.

“Ha and ha,” Sam deadpanned as he dropped into the chair across from Castiel’s desk. “I don’t know why I’m even asking. I know why.”

“Sam,” Castiel chided.

Sam believed fervently that Dean was madly in love with Castiel. If that was the case, why didn’t Dean tell him before leaving for a dangerous war? No, it wasn’t that. It was only because they were good friends. Angels and humans could be just friends.

“Cas, he sends you a letter like every single day,” Sam said. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared down his pointed nose at Castiel. “It means he’s thinking about you every single day and takes the time to actually do something about it. I know my brother. That’s a declaration.”

Well. “Dean’s not usually quite so verbose,” Castiel agreed. “But he’s at war, Sam. He misses home and normal things and angels in general. Of course he thinks about us every day-“

“I got one letter this week, Cas. It came this morning. It said he was safe and then he spent like a page and a half scolding me for not spending enough time with you.” Sam spread his wings out to either side of his body. “It’s why I’m here to take you to lunch.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to spend time with me?” Castiel asked distractedly, mostly to divert attention from the way his wings began rustling with pleasure.

“Not if you’re going to be a blind doofus-“

Sam’s phone started ringing in his pocket. As he tugged it out, he pointed the tip of one wing at Castiel.

“I’m saying you guys need to work this out because he is at war. You need to tell him how you feel- hello? Hey, Jess. What?”

The way Sam’s face paled and his wings drooped filled Castiel’s stomach with dread.

“What? Sam, what is it?”

Sam listened for a moment longer, then covered the receiver with one hand.

“It’s…she said a man called the house today. It’s…it’s Dean. Something happened.”

************

Dean knew the second he spun into the demon’s path that it was going to be bad, very very bad and that he would not be able to stop it. But the only other choice would be to stand back and let the demon run its sword through Benny’s gut. Benny would be killed instantly.  
Dean might survive.

It was no contest.

That didn’t stop the whole ordeal from sucking big time. Those ugly ass demon swords were sharp as hell and poisonous. When Dean veered off to halt the attack on Benny, the demon hissed and swiped at him. The first try missed by a mile.

The second punctured clean through the small vulnerable space between his chest armor and shoulder guards, stabbing down hard into his soft flesh, shattering bone and creating an explosion of blood that gushed over the demon’s icy cold hands.

Benny shouted something, but Dean could not hear him over his own screaming. There was a pain like fire burning down to his very core and a fear of dying, of leaving without saying goodbye and I love you and I’m sorry.

And then Dean sensed nothing else.

************

“….very serious….-chester, I’m sorry…at all. Only time….”

When Dean drifted up to consciousness, he heard a woman’s voice. Unfamiliar, concerned, but distant. He could only hear for another moment more before the pain took hold and his mind dragged him down again as protection.

***

“…Dean? Can you…here. Don’t worry.”

Dean tried to talk. His throat hurt from the words pressed against them, but he could not wake up. Like a dream you need to escape, but that won’t let go.

Sorry, Sammy. I’ll try harder next time.

**

A heavy blanket fell across his belly. It was soft, so very soft and warm. Dean wanted to drag it up over his shoulders. He wanted more of the smell clinging to it, a light sort of sweet smell like apples. But his arms wouldn’t move.

“It’s alright, Dean. I’m here. I’ll be here with you wake up.”

The pain receded a touch at the sound of that voice. Dean felt fingers in his hair, carding slowly and the voice drew nearer.  
 “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Castiel. It was Castiel. Dean’s muscles relaxed. The blanket moved, rustling and that’s when Dean realized.

It wasn’t a blanket. It was feathers.

“Just rest.”

Dean slept.

*********

“His lazy ass still asleep?”

The flippant tone had Castiel’s hackles raised before the rude words even penetrated. His gaze jerked up from Dean’s face to the door where an unfamiliar human with crutches stood.

“Excuse me?”

The human slowly hopped into the room, leaning heavily on the crutches. His left knee was wrapped in white bandages, but otherwise he appeared unharmed.

“I ain’t never seen a man could sleep like Dean Winchester. Demons would be fucking screaming and it’d be raining fit to die outside and this son of a bitch would be snoring away in his tent like it wasn’t even happening,” the human continued. He limped far enough to collapse in the door positioned beside the door.

“Kinda thought he might wake up if you were talking in his ear though.”

Castiel could think of only one person fitting the human’s description who knew Dean well enough on the battlefield to be speaking about him that way.

“Benny,” he guessed.

“Got it in one.” Benny leaned back and stretched his leg forward. Despite the obvious effort to hide it, Castiel saw pain flash in his eyes. “And you’re Cas.”

Castiel didn’t bother confirming. “What happened to your leg?”

“It’s a gift from the demon that nearly killed Dean,” he said. His voice changed when he mentioned the demon. From forced cheer to naked anger. A shiver clawed across Castiel’s skin. If Dean trusted him, Castiel could make the attempt. But the darkness in Benny’s eyes unnerved Castiel.

“And the demon?”

“Nothing but smoke,” Benny said, a smile suddenly blossoming once more on his face. It was far more chilling than the rage. “My only complaint is that it died too quickly.”

Castiel’s gaze returned to Dean, laying still and silent. It’d been almost two weeks and still he slept on.

  
 He couldn’t blame Benny for feeling that way.

“He saved my life.”

Castiel glanced up to see Benny staring at Dean too. For the first time since he walked in the door, his expression softened. Castiel remembered his old jealousy at reading about Dean’s antics with Benny, but could not find it now. How could he begrudge them this friendship when it was so painfully necessary? In that place, in war and death, Castiel had no right to resent a relationship that kept Dean’s loneliness at bay.

“That’s what he does,” Castiel said, voice low and rough. “He cares more about everyone else than himself.”

“Kinda figured. S’why I didn’t fucking kill him when he would talk about you all the time.”

Benny leaned over to one side to dig into his pocket for something.

“I wanted to bring this to him. I would have come sooner, but they wouldn’t let me out until today.”

Benny handed a small photograph to Castiel, a smirk toying at the edge of his mouth. “I just have one question. Are you gonna make sure someone cares about him back?”

The photo was of Castiel at his desk, focus on his work. The edges curled as if it had been handled quite often. A dark streak of dirt smudge the upper left corner. Castiel stared at it. Too many emotions demanded attention. He couldn’t settle on one.

“Dean had this?”

“All the time, man. He never let it go. I think he slept with it.”

Castiel’s throat hurt and his eyes burned, tears turning his vision blurry. It had gone so far past the silly flutterings of a crush and the fear of rejection. Castiel loved Dean so deeply, it scared him. He needed Dean to wake up so he wouldn’t be alone with this emotion.

“Yes,” he finally answered.

It took Benny a moment to walk back the conversation, but then he grinned and sat back in his chair again.

“Well, good then. I’m about sick of his lovesick act. Fucking angels. You all just screw with our heads.”

Castiel turned back to Dean, very pointedly covering his chest and belly with one large black wing. “Yet you continue to come back for more.”

“Well, humans, we aren’t so clever.”

Castiel snorted. “That is very true.”

**************

When Dean woke up the next time, his head felt much clearer. In fact, he felt pretty good. Laying flat, soft pillow, warm feathers.

Warm feathers?

He looked down to see an explosion of black feathers and at the center, a dark head resting against Dean's leg. Dean reached down to brush aside some of the soft feathers until he could see Cas' face. He was asleep, lips slightly parted as he breathed deeply.

Had Dean died? Was this Heaven?

Cas sat in a chair beside Dean's bed and had evidently been leaning down on Dean when he fell asleep. His weight felt nice against Dean's thigh. More than nice. It felt real and solid.

Maybe Dean wasn't dead.

And if he wasn't dead and Cas really was here...

His pulse sped up. The heart monitor next to the bed gave an indignant bleep and Cas stirred.

"Cas?" Dean asked, voice scratchy from disuse.

Castiel shot up and stared at Dean. God, his eyes really were that blue, Dean thought. It didn't seem possible. Benny thought Dean exaggerated Cas' good qualities, but Dean had obviously forgotten how good Cas looked. Even if his face showed evidence of sleepless nights.

"Dean? Are you...you're awake. Are you okay? How do you feel?" Cas pushed away from the bed, but only so he could stand up and move closer to Dean's head. He reached down to cup both of Dean's cheeks.

Dean had to work hard to swallow down the emotion that abruptly roared to life in his chest. "Thought I might have died," he confessed.

"You almost did," Cas said, his tone pained. "You've been asleep for days. Sam's been here and Jess. I made them go home to shower, but I can call him back-"

"Wait, hang on," Dean interrupted. He wanted to see Sam so badly it felt like a physical punch to the gut, but he wanted to tell Cas something even more. When the demon had stabbed that knife into his belly, Dean had just known he wouldn't get the chance.

Dean needed to immediately take advantage of the fact that he'd been wrong.

"What's the matter?" Cas asked and when he cocked his head in that same confused way he always did, Dean nearly lost it.

"Oh my god, I love you so much," Dean blurted. "So...like, so much, it's stupid and I made Benny insane talking about you all the time, I made _myself_ insane, I missed you so much that I still miss you and you're _right_ here and-"

Cas kissed Dean, presumably to shut him up.

His wings rustled and crept back over Dean's body to wrap around him, but gently as if careful of his wound. Dean never felt anything so good in his life and he'd had a _lot_ of wing hugs. None of them compared to Cas' big soft feathers holding him tight.

When Cas finally pulled away to look at his Dean, those blue eyes were nearly black. Dean grinned. How many times had he pictured Cas' looking hot and bothered? He didn't even get close to the real thing. Cas looked like he wanted to devour Dean and Dean was pretty okay with that.

"So guess you feel the same way?"

"I thought about you every day, Dean," Cas said, voice rough. "Every moment, it seemed. I was so worried, so..."

"Hey, hey," Dean soothed. The moment had gone unexpectedly serious. "It's okay, Cas. I'm here. I'm gonna be okay."

Cas pressed his nose against Dean's neck and drew in a deep breath. "I do love you," he murmured. "More than anything."

Hearing Cas say it had those emotions bubbling up in his chest again and Dean couldn't help pressing a kiss against Cas' hair.

"I should have said something before I left, Cas," he admitted. "It wasn't just...not just lately. It's been years."

"Yes, but me too and I could have said something as well," Cas said, his words slightly muffled by Dean's hospital gown. "I will forgive you if you forgive me. And if you promise never to let another demon stab you ever again."

Dean huffed a soft laugh and kissed Cas' hair again.

"Okay, yeah, I promise, Cas."

**************

_One Year Later_

"Cas?"

"I'm in the kitchen," Cas called out absently. His attention was mostly on the apple tart he was trying to finish. It would follow the roast and potatoes he'd made.

Dean appeared in the kitchen door and Cas felt Dean's smile on the side of his face.

"Are you cooking?"

"Attempting it," he said. Dean cooked more often in their home, but he'd been working late in the past two weeks getting the newest crop of recruits prepared to ship out, so Cas wanted to take care of dinner.

Plus it was a special occasion.

"Well, it smells good," Dean assured him. Although he could have been talking about Cas considering he'd crossed the space between them to hug Cas around the waist from behind and stick his nose in Cas' hair. Cas' wings leaned backwards to wrap around Dean's legs and draw him closer.

"Did I miss some kind of anniversary?"

"No," Cas promised. They'd already celebrated their first year as a couple last week. Cas still felt the delicious bruises on his collarbone and thighs. "Not that." He patted his front pocket to check and make sure the ring box was still there. "But I do have a question for you later."

Dean stilled for a moment, but then Cas felt Dean's lips on his neck. "Yeah?"

"Yes," Cas said, tilting his head so Dean could kiss more skin.

"I bet the answer is yes," Dean said between soft warm kisses.

"It had better be," Cas said distractedly.

"With you, Cas," Dean said, "It's always a yes."


End file.
